And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
