I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
two words...techno handjob
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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