He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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