I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
