Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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