dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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