Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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