i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
