yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
