my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
