somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
