If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
