You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
