Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
