Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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