Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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