Don't make out with my wife yet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
