why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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