Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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