It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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