where am i from again
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So much Jack, so little girl.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
