It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
