and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
