i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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