I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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