Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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