I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
