just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
