she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
