Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
