it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
