So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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