I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
