dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
