If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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