and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
