i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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