Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
