didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
