So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
