Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize