jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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