He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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