i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
