I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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