some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
