You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
