rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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