Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
