I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
