woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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