I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
