i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
