New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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