So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
