What a fucking waste of an outfit
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
