Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
