there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
