i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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