You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
