Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
