She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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