we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
