We're facebook friends in real life
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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