im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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