Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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