Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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