So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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