you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize