this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
