she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
