I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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